7 Standards for Friendship: Standard Six
Standard Six: Genuine Apologies
Here’s the thing, we all mess up. Remember, we’re stressing honesty!
So things are going to inevitably happen and go wrong and mistakes will be made. It’s alright, we’re all human.
What matters when trying to build deep and reliable friendships, isn’t the mistake necessarily but it’s what it looks like when you’re trying to move forward and move on from it.
Have you ever been hurt by a friend, and then when you’re hopeful to hear their apology, it just makes you feel worse?
I have had friends in the past who make my hurt feel like the problem. Instead of making it better, it only makes things worse. I leave the conversation feeling misunderstood, confused, and more hurt than I was in the first place.
What I really want from an apology is an understanding of why feelings were hurt, and action steps so that it doesn’t happen again in the future.
If you’re noticing someone is making the same mistakes continuously, even if they’re saying they’re sorry, their actions aren’t showing that they mean it. If someone is a true friend, they will be able to understand and be open to acknowledging what hurt your feelings, and they won’t want it to happen again in the future.
If you notice a friend is making mistakes and isn’t apologetic about it, that’s a red flag. I don’t want to be around people who aren’t willing to admit that they make mistakes.
I want friends who can be open and honest, even about their own flaws, and together I want us to pursue a friendship that makes both of us better people moving forward.